Lately, I've been feeling like nothing I say is ever the right thing, or the appropriate thing. Growing up, I was always a bit of a joker, someone who made slurs, and clever blows at people. This type of lowly comedy brought us laughter because it was not too serious. Perhaps it is true sometimes that these jokes may be taken too far, or push the wrong button, here I sincerely apologize for my lack of sensitivity and ignorance to understand the magnitude of certain sensitive situations.
Many jokes have been made at other people's expense, and I understand a joke is not funny if I am the only one laughing. Perhaps I was a bit of a bully growing up, but it was merely my way of bonding with friends. My intentions were never to hurt anyone's feeling nor to drive a wedge between people. I am beginning to understand that many situations are delicate and should not be an opportunity to crack a joke. Words may be words, but they do hurt, especially coming from a supposed friend. I apologize again if at times it felt like I was attacking people's character.
My perception had always been that because we are friends, the jokes and the making fun would get a free pass and we would have unlimited access. Boy, was I wrong. Despite how close, or how distant our relationship may be, targeted words always hurt. However funny the "joke" may have seen at the time, they were purely cruel and hurtful when processed. I am sorry if it felt like I was an enemy instead of a friend.
I know saying sorry doesn't mend anything, or change anything, but I don't want to lose friendship over this ordeal. I know my biggest flaw and downfall is my quick mouth. I will try to eliminate the unnecessary remarks and comments that are mean-spirited. I don't want to be remembered as the girl who lost her friends because she liked to make sarcastic remarks. I hope all of you can find it in your heart to forgive me, because I was truly unaware that my words had hurt the ones I care about.
I am not a terrible person, but lately I have been feeling like an asshole. I hope the next time we laugh, we are laughing together.